Today Nintendo announced a 40-minute Nintendo Direct presentation scheduled for 9/4 at 3pm PT. So, naturally, I’ve compiled a wishlist of extremely reasonable and realistic announcements that should definitely be included in tomorrow’s broadcast:


Animal Crossing comes with a 401k option

Source: Nintendo Direct

I’m a millennial, which means the vast majority of my knowledge about the world I’ve garnered from TV and video games. As a kid, Animal Crossing taught me some hard truths about the reality of debt, mortgage payments, and accrual of interest that are all a part of what it means to be an adult. So it only follows that Animal Crossing: New Horizons—scheduled for release in March of 2020—should offer a 401k option for players who, like me, grew up with the game and are old enough now to be worrying about retirement savings.


Nintendo announces a cloud gaming service

Source: Flickr

Google’s doing it, Microsoft’s doing it, everyone’s doing it. Players would lose their mind over the option to stream their favorite Nintendo titles to any device, any time, anywhere. Plus, Nintendo definitely has the resources to launch their own top-of-the-line cloud gaming service. And if they want to stay ahead of the game (pun intended), they better be sure to announce it in tomorrow’s Direct. (Oh, and if they could call it “Nintenflix” that would be great.)


Nintendo unveils a Switch-compatible clothing line

Source: Nintendo

It’s 2019, people, and high time that clothing companies recognize that video game enthusiasts have specific needs when it comes to fashion. You never know when you’ll need to whip out the Switch for a quick Pokemon battle or Super Smash Bros 1v1. Is it so difficult to make pants with pockets large enough to accommodate a Nintendo Switch console? Or perhaps a stylish holster? We have the technology, and it’s a much simpler solution than, say, I dunno… designing a more compact console. 👀


Nintendo releases a “Louija” board in time for Halloween

With October 31st and the release of Luigi’s Mansion 3 just around the corner, players are starting to get in the spirit of the spooky season. Why pass up the opportunity to jump on the Halloween hype and create a Luigi’s Mansion-themed version of the classic ouija board? Summoning up some real-life ghosts will assuredly tide players over until Nintendo releases a comprehensive library of VR-compatible games.


Pokemon auto battler becomes a thing

Source: Pokémon Let’s Go

This one’s a no brainer. Just look at the success of Dota Auto Chess or Teamfight Tactics (or Underlords, if that’s your thing), and then consider how easily the two-stage evolution process of most Pokemon could be applied to the leveling system of most auto battlers. Or how Pokemon units of similar types could be combined to create team synergies! Not to mention the potential for longevity as the game could be constantly updates with new Pokemon, maps based on Pokemon regions, and so on. I think I’ve made my case.


And of course, ALL the remakes, sequels, and early releases!

Okay, I’ve had my fun. But in all honesty, if anyone breathes a whiff of news about Breath of the Wild’s sequel, Metroid Prime 4, or Link’s Awakening in tomorrow’s Nintendo Direct, I’ll be pretty pleased.


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